April 11, 2014

I got two pieces of mail yesterday from the Child Support Unit of the Juneau County Dept. of Human Services.

One was a letter to confirm an appointment.

The letter stated that the purpose of the appointment was to reach an agreement in the pending paternity court action.

Huh?

The second, was a two page Mandatory Paternity Interview Form, accompanied by a letter imploring me to "cooperate."

The first section of the form requested information on the mother.

The second section of the form requested information on the child.

The third section of the form requested information on potential father(s), followed by the statement: Provide the following information for each man you had sexual intercourse with during the conceptive period (followed by the dates of the conceptive period.)

That was followed by other sections requesting information on "additional potential father(s) and a statement that read: If you are naming more than 2 potential fathers, attach a sheet with all other names and information.

Wow.

While I know, sadly, that this reflects a certain reality in our culture. I was a little...insulted?

The "facts about establishing paternity" informational sheet stated that in 2006 (the most recent date for appropriate statistics), 34% of Wisconsin births were to unmarried mothers.

But it is 2014, and perhaps the state of Wisconsin should add a check box at the beginning of their Mandatory Paternity Interview Form that says: 

Single parent by choice. (...allowing for the slightest bit of privacy.)

Or something like Anonymous Sperm Donor (...which just gets straight to the point.)

Mandatory Paternity Interview Form.

The phone rang bright and early this morning.  It was Kelly from the Juneau County Child Support Agency responding to a message I left explaining the circumstances of my single parenting status.

She sounded a bit befuddled as she assured me that my case would be closed and nothing more was needed on my part. 

"Honestly, none of us really knew WHAT to do when we heard your message. In 20 years in this office, we've never dealt with anything like this before."

Which brings me to another "moment of gratitude."

If I hadn't left Texas to take a position in Massachusetts, and ALL the things that happened in Massachusetts hadn't happened just as they did. I wouldn't have Harry.

My precious, amazing child.

The laws that existed and the health care coverage that I had at the time I decided to bring Harry into the world, allowed me an incredible opportunity and gave me an incredible gift.

I became Harry's Mommy.

Bravo, Wisconsin for going after "deadbeat" dads. 

When I called Mom at work yesterday to share my thoughts with her about what I was reading, she said, "It's too bad, really, they didn't have something like that years ago."

Assessing all the layers that statement implied, I quickly agreed. 

That process would have saved a lot of heartache, tears, bad feelings, lawyer's fees and tough times in our childhood. And frankly...a lot of paper.

But it is 2014 and there are all kinds of ways to become a parent. 

Perhaps the state of Wisconsin should just consider adding a check box or two?

My little King, surveying his kingdom.