March 31, 2014

I went for a long walk in the woods today, between loads of laundry and research for my second interview.

The woods, last fall.

It was warm, the sun trying to emerge from the clouds with mixed success. The overcast skies added a bit of a somber tone to the day. There was a very strong breeze.

I had been working on some cogent thoughts for my upcoming interview and it got me to thinking about when Harry and I first arrived in September.

After some time had passed, my sister and mother…and even I…admitted that we had all, rather reluctantly, been thinking about some of the things that had happened when I had visited for longer periods in the past.

Coincidentally, (I still believe it to be only strangely coincidental) some things have happened in our family during my extended stays.

Tragic things.

We were all wondering, nervously I think, what might happen this time and who it might happen to.

My Grandfather (my father’s father, Grandpa Wilbur) died of a stroke while I was home visiting. He had been pretty ill and it wasn’t his first stroke.

My sister-in-law was killed in a one-car accident on another visit home, years ago.

I had the onerous task of telling my brother of her death.

I’m still not sure that I handled that very well. It was one of the most difficult things that I have ever had to do. 

Finding the words…

And then saying them…to my little brother.

Strangely, it wasn’t the first time that I have had to deliver news like that.

I’d gone out with this fellow a couple of times, when I was in Dallas. I was in my 20s. I didn’t really know him very well at all.  Somehow, his mother figured out how to contact me. I have no idea how.  But she said something had happened and she just couldn’t bear to be the one to tell her son the news.

So, I did.

I found him doing his laundry in his garage (the bottom floor of his apartment at the time). And I told him while he sat on the carpeted stairway, that his sister had had a sudden heart attack and that she didn’t survive it.

He became immediately quite distraught. His 6 foot 4 frame shriveling instantly. I tried to comfort him, tried to talk to him, but he told me to leave. So, I did.

We all (my sister, mother and I) confessed to one another recently, the thoughts of some new tragedy befalling our family. And we’ve all decided since, together, that isn’t the reason that I am here this time. 

There was a collective sigh of relief... it was almost audible.

Milkweed, good news for the butterflies.

Much of the woods, is Pine. 

The old Hickory Nut tree.

The remains of a deer carcass.