February 19, 2014

I've been staring at the blank screen under the words "new post" for some time now, wondering what to write so that I'm just not repeating myself:

I am unemployed. 

I have exhausted my unemployment benefits. 

I am a single parent of a 4-year-old boy. 

I worry about his future...and mine.

I have 30 years experience in visual communication and journalism. 

I'm actually pretty talented.

I, honestly, did not think it would take this long to find a job.

7 months have passed.

I have good days of optimism about the future and some not-so-good days.

It is a sunshiny, beautiful day today, Monday's snow is melting, but the weather app on my phone says that there is more on the way for Thursday and Friday. Harry is spending 3 days this week with my niece, Rebecca. She cares for some of my grandnieces and grandnephews three times a week, and Harry was excited to spend some time with his "cousins." They aren't really his cousins. They are actually my niece and nephew's children. I'm not really sure what that makes them to Harry, but because of my late start at parenting, they are in Harry's age range and he likes playing with them. It also allows me to stay on track at the Public Library; networking online, searching job sites and trying to connect to former colleagues who might have even the slightest bit of advice for me, or leads to pursue.

Tracks in the snow.

Harry and I haven't yet made our split to the twin bed scenario. We are awaiting the arrival of the $35.00, 5-piece, "bed in a bag," circus theme quilt and sheet set that I ordered from OverStock.com. I wanted to entice Harry a bit into his sleeping independence, since he's expressed fairly mixed emotions about the whole idea. Last night was pretty awful, neither of us getting much real sleep.  Harry kept waking up and asking, "Is it time to get up yet, Mommy?"  To which I answered, "No"... at midnight...3...and finally, 5 a.m. His lack of real sleep last night was partially my fault, I suspect. Just before announcing that it was bedtime, there was a rather vigorous "tickle attack," following by some wrestling about and other animated play.  He was worked up into a pretty good frenzy when I then tried to convince him that it was now "quiet" time, "book reading" time and of course, time to "crawl into bed and close our eyes and go to sleep" time.

It's bath day, Wednesday. One of the days we make the short trek down the road or through the woods (usually after school) to my sister's house for Harry to take a bath. Mom has a very small bathroom and in the renovation that a friend and I did many years ago to bring it into the modern age - or as far into modern as was possible - we removed the tiny tub and replaced it with a shower. Mom didn't use the tub and it seemed more convenient to use the space more economically by installing a shower.  Of course, we never imagined that we would be living here together with a 4-year-old that needed baths. 

Harry, Grandma and I rode the rails again on Sunday. Harry is a long-time, big fan of trains...any train. But I have to admit that he is a creature of habit and introducing the idea of riding in the caboose instead of the passenger car required a bit of finesse. He started out by flatly refusing the idea. "No. I don't want to ride in the caboose." Mind you, this was an idea that he had expressed many times - that is, the desire to actually ride in the caboose, where "the conductor sits." I wanted to switch things up a bit on the "Snow Train," a 55-minute ride into the Baraboo foothills and back to the station. I was even looking forward to it myself. It took some convincing and some calm consoling when he plunged quickly into refusal and added tears. We were actually aboard the caboose by then and I was trying to get him seated. I was standing behind him, making my 4th or 5th attempt to lift him to the cupola seats (very high seats in the caboose that afford a rather nice view of the outside, track and the rest of the train) as he wriggled out of my grasp. As the train suddenly lurched forward, he immediately quieted. I lifted him quickly into his seat.

One of two Snow Trains. 

A broom for clearing snow...on the Snow Train.

The Conductor explains the details of the caboose.

If there is one thing that I have learned (albeit, the hard way) it's that a 4-year-old is a study in contradictions. At least my 4-year-old. At times those contradictions come in incredible waves and mere seconds apart. "Harry, would you like Mango yogurt for breakfast." "No, I don't want Mango yogurt." One. Two. "Mommy, I want some Mango yogurt for brexfist." (Harry is still working on the pronunciation of the word for the morning meal.) "Harry, we need to get going or we'll be late for school." "I don't want to go to school." One. Two. "Mommy, I need to get dressed for school."

Sigh.

It was a great day for a train ride and we did enjoy the caboose. We were treated to some information delivered by the volunteer conductor himself. It was all very interesting history about the line and the acquisition of the old cars and engines, and even how the train operates and the conductor's role. The caboose was not intended for passengers, only for crew, so it was pretty neat to experience the ride from that perspective. And most of all, Harry enjoyed the ride after all.  He spent the entire rest of the day pretending to be an engine, running from one room of the house to the next, blowing his whistle, making huffing and chuffing sounds, and moving his arms in motion - round and round - like the metal wheels he had seen that morning.

An engine being refurbished.

Harry's view in the cupola.

All in all, it was a good day.